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"By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge
the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches." ~Proverbs 24:3-4


Declaration of Educational Independence
A must-read parody of a famous document.

* * *

You Must Be Homeschooled If...
1. Someone asks what grade you're in and you're not sure.
2. You sometimes go to school in your pajamas.
3. You sleep till 9:00 am on school days, but get up early on Sundays.
4. Your favorite author is Jane Austen (girls) or Robert Louis Stevenson (boys).
5. Your birthday is an official school holiday.
6. You don't get to stay home from school when you're sick.
7. Your favorite activity is reading.
8. You know what a unit study is.
9. You have attempted to teach yourself physics.
10. You know the scientific names of dinosaurs from A to Z.
11. Watching a movie means you'll have to write a report comparing the film to the book.
12. You dress up as historical or literary characters for Halloween.
13. You exchange e-mail Valentines with your homeschool pen pals.
14. You can get science credit for going to the dentist or doctor.
15. You go to the park for P.E.
16. You check out at least ten books every time you visit the library.
17. You get books and science kits for your birthday.
18. Your board games all have names like "Bookworm", "Scrabble", "S'math", "Game of Knowledge", and "Name The State".
19. Your home library is arranged in Dewey Decimal order.
20. Your favorite place to study is outside, under a tree.
21. You memorize math formulas and Latin root words for fun.
22. You never get nervous on the first day of school.
23. The only bully you ever run into is your big brother.
24. You are unaware of the current fads, fashions, and slang terms.
25. You have no idea what rock bands are currently popular.
26. You don't have to worry about forgetting your lunch or your schoolbooks.
27. You don't have to remember a locker combination, just your computer password.
28. There are only nine students in your class - but all of them are your brothers and sisters.
29. Your school bus is a nine-passenger van.
30. You can get extra credit for cleaning your room.

* * *

You Must Be a Home Educator If...
1. You live in a one-house schoolroom.
2. Your walls are covered with maps and timelines instead of decorative framed art.
3. You know what math manipulatives are.
4. You read history books as bedtime stories.
5. You have mold growing in your fridge…on purpose.
6. Cooking dinner = domestic science; playing outside = physical education.
7. Your preschooler can name all the planets, but doesn't know who the Rugrats are.
8. You kids can quote lines from Shakespeare, but not from South Park.
9. You've mastered the fine art of vacuuming a floor without sucking up a Lego or K'nex piece.
10. You're either an expert at doing the Lego dance - Oooch! Ouch! Yeow! - or else you've resorted to wearing shoes around the house.
11. You know the recipes for homemade versions of Play-doh, finger paint, and paste.
12. Your students have to clear the breakfast bowls off the table before sitting down to do their school work.
13. Your house is messy, but your children are happy.
14. Your kids don’t have to be entertained because they know how to use their imaginations.
15. Your television is used more for education than entertainment.
16. Your kids publish their own family newsletter.
17. You shop for birthday presents at educational stores.
18. All you want for Christmas is a Barnes & Noble gift certificate.
19. You'd rather buy books than clothes.
20. All of your wall space is taken up by floor-to-ceiling bookcases and you still have stacks of books that don’t fit on the shelves.
21. You own the entire series of Saxon Math books.
22. You turn a trip to the grocery store into a learning experience.
23. Your kids don’t have to worry that they don’t “fit in.”
24. You are tired of answering the question, “But what about socialization?”
25. You have a standard one-minute speech to give to store clerks, mother-in-laws, and school officials about why you homeschool.
26. For your wedding anniversary, you decide to splurge and get a color laser printer.
27. Talking out loud to yourself is the same as having a parent/teacher conference.
28. You have a 12-year-old, a 6-year-old, and a 2-year old in the same class.
29. You take your family vacation in September, when the beaches and theme parks are empty.
30. You take a suitcase full of books along on your family vacation.
31. Your family vacation becomes an extended field trip.
32. You can never find your kitchen utensils because they're out in the sandbox.
33. Your kitchen doubles as a science lab.
34. You are on a first name basis with your local librarian and bookstore owner.
35. The UPS driver delivers a box of Scholastic books to your doorstep once a month.
36. You're willing to drop what you're doing at a moment's notice to go look something up in a dictionary or encyclopedia.
37. You’re always looking up the answers to questions such as “how does that work” or “why does it do that.”
38. You don't get fired for teaching your students about God.
39. You learn more from teaching your kids, than you did in public school yourself!
40. The more your kids learn, the less you seem to know.

* * *

Q: How does a homeschooler change a light bulb?
A: First, mom checks three books on electricity out of the library, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based on his life. Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles. Next, everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much change they'll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five dollar bill. On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five dollar bill. Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed. And there is light. ~Author Unknown

* * *

Real Homeschool Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.

* * *

"Lord, grant me patience, but hurry."
(saying seen on a plaque)

* * *

Why Public Schooling Is "Better" Than Homeschooling

  • Most parents were educated in the underfunded public school system, and so are not smart enough to homeschool their own children.
  • Children who receive one-on-one homeschooling will learn more than others, giving them an unfair advantage in the marketplace. This is undemocratic.
  • How can children learn to defend themselves unless they have to fight off bullies on a daily basis?
  • Ridicule from other children is important to the socialization process.
  • Children in public schools can get more practice "Just Saying No" to drugs, cigarettes and alcohol.
  • Fluorescent lighting may have significant health benefits.
  • Publicly asking permission to go to the bathroom teaches young people their place in society.
  • The fashion industry depends upon the peer pressure that only public schools can generate.
  • Public schools foster cultural literacy, passing on important traditions like the singing of "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg..."
  • Homeschooled children may not learn important office career skills, like how to sit still for six hours straight. ~Author Unknown

    * * *

    The first Halloween that I was homeschooling, my children INSISTED that I come to school dressed as an old fashioned school marm out of the old west, with long skirt, string tie, long ruffled sleeves, etc. I let them go to school in costume, too, but their costumes started itching so they quickly changed into their regular clothes. I didn't bother to change, and GUESS WHO decided to come and visit our home school that day? It was one of the teachers at our local school! She took one look at me and said, "Boy, you are really getting fanatical about this homeschool business, aren't you?" I mentioned Halloween, and she didn't buy it. "You mean YOU got a costume, but the kids don't? Sure!" Soon gossip spread all over the school that I was some "crazy homeschooler out of the wild and wooly Arizona desert!" ~Submitted by Katy Cook of Glendale, AZ

    * * *

    Got this off another list and thought you might enjoy it. :o) Karin

    Top 10 Things NOT to say when asked "What?! No school today?"

    10. Well normally yes, but this time of year I need help with the planting and plowing.

    9. Goodness, no!!! I graduated 18 years ago, but thanks for the compliment!

    8. No, we homeschool. We're just out to pick up a bag of pork rinds and some Mountain Dew, then we gotta hurry home to catch our soaps.

    7. What?! Where did you guys come from?! Oh my gosh! I thought I told you kids to stay at school! I'm sorry. This happens all the time. (sigh)

    6. There isn't? Why, you'd think we would have seen more kids out then, don't you?

    5. We're on a field trip studying human nature's intrusive and assumptive tactics of displaying ignorance and implied superiority. Thanks for the peek!

    4. On our planet we have different methods of education. (Shhh! No, I didn't give it away... keep your antennae down!)

    3. Oh my goodness! I thought that today was Saturday...come on kids, hurry!

    2. Noooooope.Me 'n Bubba jes' learns 'em at home. Werks reel good!

    And the number one answer we should NEVER give to the question: "What? No school today?"

    1. "What? No Bingo today?"

    * * *

    A Homeschool Mom's NON-Resolutions

    1. I resolve to NOT try and make my children "perfect" homeschooling examples.

    2. I resolve to NOT try and prove that I am a "perfect" homeschooling parent.

    3. I resolve to NOT try and compare myself to every other homeschooling parent.

    4. I resolve to NOT give up on expecting the best from myself.

    5. I resolve to NOT give up on my students.

    6. I resolve to NOT give up on my curriculum without giving it a serious try (2 weeks may not be a serious try - only you can determine what that is!)

    7. I resolve to NOT get discouraged when I have bad days, but to call someone on the phone who may encourage me in some way (prayer, a cup of coffee, or just saying "it's okay"!).

    8. I resolve to NOT forget to plug into a support group for my support and theirs!

    9. I resolve to NOT forget that all Teachers get Teacher Work Days for a reason. You have control over yours. Take them!

    10. I resolve to NOT make unbelievable and unacceptable New Year's Resolutions. ~from the "Homeschooler's Notebook"

    * * * The DARK Side of Homeschooling EXPOSED! CBS News tried to find the "dark side of homeschooling," but all they came up with was falsehoods, fear-mongering and faulty logic. Nice try, fellas. But here is a web site that exposes the true dark side of homeschooling. Visit this site, look upon it, and FEAR. (This is a spoof page created in response to a very controversial and deceptive news story by CBS in the fall of 2003. It was an instant hit, thanks to the homeschoolers networks, and was featured in many newsletters and on other websites.)

    * * * Mr. Pointy Nose, a silly story about the silly questions homeschoolers endure! (This page appears to be gone. If you know where it moved to, please e-mail me at .)

    * * * What About Socialization?
    (This page appears to be gone. If you know where it moved to, please e-mail me at .)

    * * *

    Send me your submission! Send me your best "You must be a homeschooler if..." statements, funny homeschool anecdotes, homeschool jokes, etc., and I will add them to this page - and give you credit! (Due to space limitations, they must be specifically about the topic of homeschooling.)


    These pages are a continuous work in progress.
    Copyright © 2000- by Teri Ann Berg Olsen
    All rights reserved.

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